Actually now

In a complete diversion from the whole premise of this blog, I'm going to actually write about today...

Today is the fifteenth of June, 2010.

Today was the recovery BBQ of a wedding I MC'ed on the eleventh. I was tired. I was fairly hungover. I struggled. I can't lie; I nearly didn't make it. But I got there and I'm glad I did; as awesome as the wedding was, today was the day to be there for our bride and groom when they could relax and enjoy.

But the reason I want to talk about "actually now" is that I'm going home - I'm going back to Europe. Tomorrow. Wow.

And it occurs to me that I'm almost as nervous as I am excited. Not nervous for all those logistical maybes that can go wrong; nervous to catch a glimpse of myself through the eyes of the great friends I'll see there, and see who I am today compared to then.

I went corporate. The lil bit fat, relaxed open gypsy settled back into her suits and worked like crazy for the last eighteen months. And I proper enjoyed it. But that's ended now, and being presented with the opportunity to take the break abroad, it seemed a sound decision - obligations aside.

So Wednesday I'll arrive in the city I called home for more time than any other outside of Melbourne; Amsterdam. I'm over people thinking that those of us who know and love Amsterdam only love her for "the green" - I'll go on the record here and now to say I don't smoke, I've never done so, and it doesn't suit me in the slightest. But this city is so much more than redlights and coffee shops - it's art, freedom, intelligence. It's a strangely cramped lil city that feels like the bookshelf of a dusty library, crammed tight with too many books so that they can't stand up straight. It's more comforting than I ever imagined it could be.

Because there I will find some friends who I've never lost, but almost constantly missed. And I'm curious to see them, and have them see me. As I said, excited and nervous in almost equal measure.

But it's time to bring together the hardworking professional that Melbourne has seen for the last couple of years, and the vagabond gypsy that came before her. It's time to stand those two women in the same room within me, and see where the dust settles. It's time to be with my people.