I've been considering posting this particular email for a while now; at the time it was a particularly cleansing, powerful thing to write. But this morning as I read it, I am quite amazed at how very different I feel from the girl who wrote it. And that is in nice ways, but I am surprised by it. I guess sometimes we don't notice the little shifts in ourselves.
Anyways, this was written from Dozza, Italy, about two months after I left. It was emailed to all my friends, so apologies if it is a little hard to follow. It was written from exactly here...
Enjoy.
Sunday 4th June, 2006
Hello lovelies
This email is my farewell from Dozza before I move on to a few days roaming Bologna, and then MEET MY PARENTS! – Saturday 10th June, 4pm, bottom of the Spanish Steps, Roma – and thus hang up my farming volunteering boots for the foreseeable future.
And it comes with a warning… well, a couple…
One: I have been isolated, and somewhat SOCIALLY STARVED for conversation, so it’s long. Read it only if and when you want.
Two: Mostly these emails from people who are traveling are of the “where-I’ve-been-and-what-I’ve-been-doing” variety. This one is not. I’ve been here in Dozza. Since Cannes I haven’t moved. I could spend this email describing this gorgeous countryside, my hours raking hay, this sweet polite family and their small-town cat Boss Hog with his Big City Attitude – but I don’t wanna. This is a “HOW-I’ve-been-and-HOW-I-am” email. You have been warned…;-)
OK… so here I sit on a Sunday morning… looking out the window from Victoria’s computer, and oh wow… I tell myself “ALWAYS remember this view”…chooks cackling… sky a perfect blue, streaked only slightly by whisps of white clouds… pines and vines and boxy square terracotta houses rising up from the valley before me. Yeah, I think Dozza has healed and stilled things I didn’t even know wanted it.
And to confirm that little thought… right as I write this, the church bells chime melodically down the hill from my gorgeous Dozza. There is steaming cup of too-strong black Italian coffee beside me… and yes, this might be heaven. Yes, thank you Dozza.
Because the thing is, in lots of ways I feel like I want to be back to the girl I was when I landed in Rome these weeks ago… back to the girl who lived danced cried laughed her way WHOLE HEARTEDLY through a glorious Melbourne Summer, but all those who know me and saw that know that level of energy wasn’t to be sustained. It was awesome. It was beyond fun. But it was the kind of hectic best not sustained. I had to come-down from it eventually, and here in the sweet little Dozza, I have.
But DAMN I LOVED that Summer! Thank you, those who shared played laughed danced MADE IT REAL with me. I think now in reflection that perhaps I needed that kind of madness to make the transition from that job… BRUIZE and its bruises needed some serious fun to heal.
But now, after a few weeks of fitness and constant busy at Antonello’s to distract me from the heartbreak of leaving you all in Australia (HOW did I do that?! THANK GOD I WAS DRUNK!), I’ve had a few weeks of silence. Of quiet stillness. Of Dozza. Where people life time MEANDER by… and some days it’s been too slow, some days I’ve been too alone, some days I’ve been too damn SOBER!
But as it comes to its peaceful smiling end, I can see that Dozza – like shavasana at the end of a yoga class – has been the time to truly integrate the changes.
It’s like Ferris says – “Life moves pretty fast. If you don’t stop and look around once in a while, you could miss it.” And here I have had that time – not only to look around at where I actually am (that came last, in fact), but to look around at where I’ve been… who I’ve been there with… and my - THE FUN WE HAVE DONE!
In the still quiet serenity of this gorgeous green valley I have thought and smiled and cried and laughed about you all. I guess some people don’t say this stuff out loud (little own in emails!) but I do, so I will…
People, relationships, connections, personalities… these are my favourite things, and the things that endlessly fascinate me. To that end, the people who fill my life are truly integral to who I am. My friends, my family – you guys define me.
Rest assured if you’re reading this now (if you’ve made it this far awake!) I’ve thought of you and missed you and loved you some time in these last weeks. I chat to you on my endless walks, dream of you in my deep exhausted sleeps, wish you were around and hope you’re smiling wherever you are.
Because my life is f%#ken awesome guys, and you have helped build it to be that way. After these weeks, being as restful and healthy and isolated as I’ve ever been, I’ve appreciated you love, your support and how REAL YOU ALL ARE so so much.
And with all this integration relaxation appreciation… with my sails full to capacity with fresh new-Summer breeze… to The Next Chapter I go.
Smiling.
Lots.
So thanks.
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